over the yellow line

i find happiness in all the wrong places
every time
happiness in mistakes
happiness in heartbreak
feeling more comfortable sitting within pain
because it reminds me of the chaos i originate from
watching the sun set on each chapter of my life
the ones i speed through in autopilot
and the ones in which i drag my legs along like limp flowers
waiting to move on
i find happiness in the deepest emptiness
in a life hollow and blank
because there is so much space to fill
and that’s exciting
solace comes to me in knowing one day i will evolve
past my broken habits and flawed states of mind
it won’t be like this forever
one day the sun will shine for me
and not just the rest of the world
leaving me out, sat in darkness
the walls in the maze of my mind will crumble
i will venture out

love will find me somehow
joy will stay.
longer than fleeting moments
at some point it will stick around.
no more chasing a blue butterfly down london tube tunnels
no more stepping over the yellow line just to feel some wind
just to feel a sense of direction
i won’t explore the underworld for much longer
soon i will leave this life devoid of light
trade it for one of fullness and purpose
the image of a world without me in it
simply too painful.

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