Stop Putting Words In My Mouth

A short rant on debate precision

I don’t mind a good spar. In fact, sometimes I quite enjoy it. I’m here on Medium to exchange ideas and I don’t imagine that everyone else I encounter will think just as I do. In fact, it would be kind of boring if they did. I do really value someone who can make their point clearly, support it in some way, and handle critique or a different perspective with maturity.

What drives me absolutely around the bend is people who insist on putting words in my mouth. I select what I say pretty carefully. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I do not take kindly to having insinuations or assumptions thrown in based on my presumed general outlook. Unfortunately, this happens all the time. Particularly if someone can’t easily refute what I’m saying directly, they will tend to throw in other elements as a kind of red herring.

I really don’t care how some random woman characterizes her feminist ideals. That’s not me and although I hold many perspectives that might fall under the same general umbrella, I don’t speak for her and she doesn’t speak for me. There is no one universal feminist dogma, and although I’m all about equality, I don’t even really identify as a feminist any longer.

Most of the time when someone is putting words in my mouth or willfully misunderstanding what I’ve said, it’s because they don’t actually want to have a discussion; they really just want to have a fight. I admit that there are times I’ve let myself get sucked into that, but more and more, I just won’t go there. Sometimes I continue to talk to people when I should just walk away because I want to understand what is driving them. But usually once I profile them, I’m able to move on to something else.

I have one Medium frenemy that I go around and around with, and as much as I’ve tried to walk away, the way his mind works just fascinates and entertains me. He makes me laugh on a regular basis, even as he often infuriates me, but I truly appreciate someone who can interject humor into their debate. He also…

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